Sometimes you can’t go back…
In April my milestone dates were quite different than they have been in the previous month. This weekend the Children’s Medical Surgical Center at Johns Hopkins moved to their new building, the Bloomberg Children’s Center. The place where Miranda lived her 28 days of life is now gone. In just about every way I can never go back. I have to move forward.
Last week after our family group the chaplain honored my request for one last walk through the PICU, most of these pictures are from that walk. I was able to go all the way to the end of the hall to the suite where Miranda had been (thankfully the bay she had was not filled with an ECMO bed this time), I also saw the room that I held her body in.
And I left the PICU and will never return.
And for this milestone weekend I was away from my family. I attended the 2:1 Conference from the 27th-29th. There were many tears on the drive down to Virginia and a few that first night as well. Thankfully I wasn’t with people who stared at me awkwardly wondering when I’d gain control. I was with sisters in Christ who understood grief.
One of my roommates knows what it is like to live life after losing both of her parents tragically without warning.
The sweet friend I shared a dinner table with on Friday lost her sweet 5th child when she was 7 months old.
The dear friend that sat next to me in Amy’s break-out session on Saturday lost her home last year to a fire, and she had brought her precious little one with her.
God knew what I needed this weekend. This was not plan B. There were tears. But they were good.
I’m okay with not being able to go back. We have chosen to go forward since the day Miranda was born. Losing her did not change our direction, it just jostled the path.
He has more planned for us. We don’t know exactly what that is, we just keep walking through the doors He opens:
“For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.”-Phillipians 1:6