making a choice in retrospect…
In the past week I’ve had two challenging interviews. One with the Board of Nursing and one with my county’s Fetal/Infant Mortality Review Board.
It’s not hard because I can’t talk about Miranda. I love talking about my daughter. Unfortunately it often seems there is more of the “bad” to talk about than the “good”. I don’t shy away from opportunities to talk about her or tell about her short life, especially when someone is interested in more than the medical side of it, because the stories tied to Miranda that declare God’s glory are amazingly abundant.
It’s hard because I sit here with nearly six months worth of hindsight and countless amounts of information that wasn’t readily available when I needed it most.
At nearly six months after her birth the rawness of the emotions has dulled quite a bit and the way I am able to process things now is quite different.
It doesn’t mean I’m over it. It doesn’t mean the tragedy is minimized. It just means I can assess the road we’re walking with what I think is a pretty balanced footing.
In my interview today the nurse mentioned knowing Miranda’s purpose. I didn’t answer her because I still feel everyday we find out more and more of her impact and our purpose through it. But we knew her purpose on the night she was born, it’s what gave her her middle name…
Her life was meant to bring glory to God.
She did, and she does. There isn’t an inch of me that doubts it.
The final question I received today was “Is there anything you would change or do differently?”
I can hardly start to express all the things I would do differently if I was armed with the knowledge I have today all those many months ago.
But that’s the gift/curse of hindsight isn’t it?