It is official. I am not different than most other infant loss mommas. Many well-meaning people have done what thousands of well-meaning people have done before them.
There is something worse than saying the wrong thing. When NOTHING at all is said IT HURTS.
Maybe people are afraid of saying the wrong thing. Maybe they don’t know what to say. Maybe they don’t want to upset me or see me cry.
Welcome to my world.
There is no “right thing” to say.
I still don’t know what to say.
No matter what you say or don’t say I’m probably going to cry.
But that’s really not about you.
Give me a hug. Tell me you don’t know what to say. Cry with me.
Please don’t ignore me.
Please don’t talk to me and pretend I didn’t just give birth six and a half weeks ago and didn’t just bury my daughter two and a half weeks ago.
Acknowledge my daughter.
Don’t ask me if things are getting back to normal. I lost “normal” on September 29th and I have no false pretense of every getting back to it. My world was rocked. I’m living life, but it is a life very different than the one before Miranda’s birth.
Please don’t ask me to call you if I need anything.
I’m sure I need a lot of things, but the truth is that even I don’t know exactly what they are and I’m certainly not going to call. If you call me I’ll probably be very happy to talk. If you come over to offer help I’ll probably very gladly accept it. If you bring a meal I’m probably going to thank you and enjoy it instead of worrying what to prepare that night.
Every gesture means something to me.